I've Never Done This Before

 

I’m an avid listener of beeps; the pling-plongy ones that periodically sound over the announcement system on an airplane. My underlying fear of flying, coupled with far too much air travel means I’ve deciphered the secret code used by the pilot to communicate with the crew. I know how many plongs signal it’s safe for the flight attendants to get up; I know how many plongs signal it’s safe to begin the beverage service, and I know the sequence of plongs I just heard probably means there’s something wrong, because I’ve never heard that many plongs, in that sequence, before. The other clue, of course, was the rather panicked look on the flight attendant’s face when as she talked on the galley phone that connects to the cockpit. Sure enough, the fasten seatbelt sign came on, another plong.

Next came the announcement over the intercom, totally vague of course. There was something wrong with the plane, we were going to make an emergency landing. Everyone make sure your seatbelt is fastened tight and all your stuff is stowed away so it doesn’t fly about the cabin and take off the head of the lady in 14 B.

I wondered if the oxygen masks would drop down. And if they did, would I remember how to put mine on? How many times had I ignored that demonstration? And what about the life vest? Was it under my seat? Oh wait, we weren’t flying over water. I couldn’t remember where we were going, but it defiantly wasn’t over water.

Time seemed to be passing incredibly slowly, but the plane still felt normal, so far. Finally, I mustered the courage to look out the window, past the woman whimpering in the seat next to me. It appeared that the ground was still the appropriate distance away. I began to breathe a sigh of relief, but of course, right at that moment, the plane tilted alarmingly forward. I looked down the aisle, toward the cockpit, which now seemed to be downhill from my seat. I turned away quickly, and met the eyes of the older lady sitting across from me. Not the whimpering one, but the one on the other side. This one was not whimpering. In fact, she looked impossibly calm. As our eyes met, she gave me a warm smile, and said “Is this your first plane crash, dear?”

“What?” I responded, but my reply was drowned out by a new, loud beeping. Another one I’d never heard before. Only I had heard it before. It was the sound of my alarm. I looked back towards the whimpering woman, but instead of her crumpling face I saw my bedside table. I flailed my arms out and smacked the alarm. I couldn’t see what time it was, because my vision was blurry, my eyes still focused inward on the ground drawing ever closer out the airplane window in my dream, but that was okay, because it was just a dream. Oh thanks goodness, it was just a dream.