It's A Trap

Photo credit: Robsalot (that's me!)

Nothing is more exciting than working retail, let me tell you. What? Don’t believe me? Oh, I see, you can sense the sarcasm emanating off this page. Well, working retail is exciting, not necessarily fun, but exciting. For instance, you never know what loveliness your next customer might grace you with. There is nothing like the beckoning glow of a retail establishment to draw in all the self-entitled crazies. Oh, it’s not just the customers, either; I’ve had the pleasure of standing behind a cash register with a unique selection of co-workers, like the one who wore short shorts everyday, even though she was constantly getting written up for it, or the one who kept stealing candy bars, and then leaving the wrappers out for the manager to find. He didn’t last long. Or the one who finally decided to get revenge on all of those customers… but I digress, because this story is not about them, well, maybe it is about that last one.

The idea was first discussed at about 11 AM on a Monday morning. I was working at Hertz rental car at the time, and Monday mornings were always crazy. My co-worker Matt’s last customer had just left, after making a bad joke about a Hertz donut (the manager always put out donuts for the customers on Monday mornings, which meant we were blessed with that joke by at least five different customers every Monday…). Anyway, the lobby was finally empty, and we were just about to discuss who got the first break, when the phone rang. Since Matt had dealt with the last customer, I got the phone call, that was the rule. On the other end was our next customer. 10:30 AM reservation, large SUV. I assured her the vehicle was there and ready to go, which, if you have ever seen Seinfeld you would know is not always the case (oh the joy of working for a rental car company).

The customer walked in the door 10 minutes later, Matt was still on his break so she was all mine. I printed up her contract and pulled the car up to the front door for her. As I slid out of the driver’s seat I could already tell something was not right. It was the way she was standing, everything about her screamed unreasonably angry customer. Well, she yelled at me for 30 minutes, accused me of trying to Hertz her (eye-roll), and left without the SUV. The problem? She was going to a Raiders game, and showing up in a 49ers red SUV just was not going to work. Fucking customers.

So that’s when I decided to get revenge. Oh, did I not mention I was the crazy co-worker who devised the customer revenge scheme? Yeah, it was me. So what did I do? Well first… wait, who are you anyway? And why are you asking all of these questions? Perhaps I should speak to a lawyer.