Made at Home

Photo credit: Robsalot (that's me!)

Okay, so I might have just ended the world, but it was an honest mistake. I’d had a really bad day at work, so when started to drive home I cranked up the music, Mariah Carey of course; I was trying to make myself feel better, not worse. Only it wasn’t working, I just I kept fixating on that stupid mistake I’d made. That’s why, when I approached Park Street, I decided to stop at Lucky 13 for a quick beer, or three. To be fair though, the parking spot right in front was open, it was like fate or something.

I slammed those three beers a little quicker than I should have, and when I stood up from the barstool I found I was quite unable to walk in a straight line. With a sigh, I resigned myself to hoofing it home; I would have to pick up the car the next day. The thing is, once I have had a few drinks, I have trouble saying no to a few more, which is why I stopped at the corner store near my house and  grabbed six pack.

I remember drinking the next two beers, but after that things get a bit fuzzy, so I am not really sure how it happened. I can kind of piece it together though based on what I found when I woke up the next morning. There was a burned and half eaten quesadilla on the stove, so obviously I tried to make food, though I am not sure if I stopped eating it because it was so thoroughly scorched or because I had dumped half the bottle of hot sauce on it. Anyway, it was while I was cleaning up the mess of my kitchen escapades that I saw it, something red and glowing coming from the shed in my backyard. I knew immediately what I had done.

You see, I am a nuclear physicist, and my bad day at work the prior day was due to an experiment that had gone wrong. I had this theory, it is too complicated to explain here, but let’s just say if I was correct then all of the world’s energy’s problems would have been solved. Unfortunately, something went wrong, which was really upsetting since it had been my life’s work, but at least the lab was set up to contain the resulting explosion. My tool shed, on the other hand, did not have all the safety features of my lab, which was really a shame, because it appears, sometime after the fifth beer of the night, I had an epiphany of how to make my experiment work. Sadly, based on the menacing glowing, pulsing, red light coming from my tool shed it looks like I was wrong again, though with any luck the imminent explosion will be contained to North America, because it would be a shame if my little bender ended up causing the extinction of the human race.